Quick and Dirty Movie Reviews

The original version of this documentary was made as a Christian faith production. I watched the ‘secular version’ which was a re-edit done for more mainstream audiences.

Basic Plot: Documentary about the challenges facing marriage and relationships in the modern age. Taken from the Emmy-nominated series Song of Songs.

Outburst: As this is still a primarily Christian documentary, it deals solely under the premise that the viewer is looking for a monogamous, long-term, heterosexual marriage. No other relationship styles are really addressed in any fashion. Despite the removal of more blatant religious messages, it maintains a deep faith-based tone. As the documentary was almost exclusively videos of people talking, I was able to do other things while listening to it and don’t feel that I missed anything. The snippets of vocalized music during the interludes were made for this production and truly awful (think Christian rock run through a blender of folk music and crap).

— If you are willing to accept it as a faith-driven documentary on romance, there are some genuine pearls of wisdom here. It is not in depth or mind-blowing, but it is touching and makes nice background while carrying out your day at home.

Official Site: How Will We Love

You can watch the secular version free on Youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqAEfBMlJoc

IMDB: Stand and Deliver

Basic Plot: Based on the story of Jaime Escalante, a high school teacher who successfully inspired his inner-city students to learn calculus.

Outburst: An alright movie, probably my least favorite of the ‘mentor’ films. It is a pioneer of the student-teacher genre, which holds a special place in my heart.

— Classic of the ‘troubled youth and mentor’ subset of movies. Also great for learning Spanglish and for discussions about discrimination against Latinos.

WATCH IT NOW: Stand And Deliver

IMDB: Surrogates

Basic Plot: Set in a world where humans remain isolated while interacting through androids, an FBI agent is forced to personally leave his home to investigate a series of murders. Based on a graphic novel series by Robert Venditti.

Outburst: While at some point the base premise could be technologically possible, it remains sociologically improbable. The script is formulaic and illogical; I solved the murder halfway through and I’m usually a sucker for even the lamest plot-twist. Why would having surrogates lower crime? Why did it take so long to solve this mystery when your ‘aha-moment’ involved a standard keyword search and some old newspaper articles? The special murder weapon is the worst bit of stupidity — it looks like an EMP-like device but according to the script it uploads a virus using a flash of light (effects stolen from Terminator). I’d say the acting was good, but mostly people had to be wooden and stilted on camera, so it would be more of a surprise if the acting were poor.

— Tortured Bruce Willis has now officially been overdone. Watch it for the slick visuals, sexy people, and a few good but mindless action sequences, then migrate to something better.

Wikipedia Entry: Surrogates (film)

IMDB: Pandorum

Basic Plot: Two crewman on a human colonization spaceship wake up with amnesia.

Outburst: Looks like all the money went toward creepy sets instead of better special effects, but the filmmakers weren’t smart enough to downplay the monsters. Relying on bad lighting and jerky camera motion during fights just ensures a headache. Lots of small improbables, such as tons of advanced technology all around, but no one has a translator device. With such a beautiful premise, this could have been a much better film.

— It’s creepy enough for a good case of heebie-jeebies (especially should you decide to watch it alone at night), but I wouldn’t expect any fan club cult followings.

Official Site: Pandorum

WATCH IT NOW: Pandorum

IMDB: Very Young Girls

Basic Plot: Reflecting on the fact that the average US prostitute enters the life at 13, this is a documentary following human trafficking and female child sexual exploitation in NYC.

Outburst: When a young girl doesn’t get along with her folks and runs away from home, she can’t legally get a job. She can’t legally find a place to live, and from there it’s an easy step toward an illegal occupation such as prostitution. If a pimp grabs her and makes her sleep with several men, would her parents even take her back once they find out she’s been tricking? If she goes to the police, she’ll probably wind up in jail for prostitution. And if no one loves her except her pimp, who do you think she’ll turn to for help? None of these tales are a surprise to me, but they may be a surprise to you.

NOTE: this only covers a subsection of sexworkers. Not everyone in sexwork is exploited, and many are boys or transgender.

— This documentary is probably best viewed in an activist setting or among a group of people who can discuss the film afterward. Viewing it with current or former folks from ‘the life’ is probably ideal.

Official Site: GEMS (Girls Educational & Mentoring Services)

IMDB: River’s End

Basic Plot: A Menard County sheriff uses tough love on his troubled teen grandson. He can stay out of jail if he takes a solo canoe trip down 60 miles of Pecos River.

Outburst: For a low-budget film, the C-list acting is better than expected (with the notable exception of Caroline Goodall, whose talent tragically nosedives for the duration of this film). Sam Huntington does well in the main role despite absurd plot convolutions forcing him to play the role of Mick in Crocodile Dundee II while dressing like a punk Karate Kid. The soundtrack is as appallingly synthesized as you’d expect; the special effects (including some obviously plastic insects) are laughable.

— Remember those ABC after-school specials? If you liked those and think that the only real men are cowboys wearing white hats, you’ll enjoy this film. It’s a good clean family movie with lots of morals included.

IMDB: The Jacket

Basic Plot: An amnesiac war vet, mistakenly sent to an institute for the criminally insane, is subject to cruel experimentation. The idea is loosely based on a Jack London story, which is based on the tale of Ed Morrel.

Outburst: From the intro’s juxtaposition of chaotic war footage and classical soundtrack, I knew I was in for a dark, surreal ride. This is the unintentional doppelganger of the movie Jacob’s Ladder, with a science-fiction, mystery slant instead of demonic horror.

— Charlie Kaufman fans, and folks who have always wanted to see Jacob’s Ladder but who don’t see merit in pissing themselves with fear, will appreciate this film.

Wikipedia Entry: The Jacket (film)
Wikipedia Entry: Ed Morrell

BUY IT NOW! The Jacket (DVD)

IMDB: Jacob’s Ladder

Basic Plot: A traumatized Vietnam veteran finds out that his post-war life isn’t what he believes it to be.

Outburst: Kinda irritating when the main spoiler for the movie is in the title. But I guess this isn’t supposed to be a mystery, rather it’s a discovery of a different viewpoint of life and what (if anything) comes next. This is a horror movie with a happy ending, good for a creepy scare that doesn’t stay with you.

/CULT — Guillermo del Toro fans will feel right at home and the Silent Hill followers already own a copy.

Wikipedia Entry: Jacob’s Ladder (film)
Wikipedia Entry: Jacob’s Ladder (Biblical reference)

BUY IT NOW! Jacob’s Ladder (DVD)

The original title of this movie was Animal Attraction.

IMDB: Someone Like You

Basic Plot: Based on the book Animal Husbandry by Laura Zigman, a talkshow talent scout accuses all men of being cheaters after being jilted by her boyfriend.

Outburst: Quirky interludes comparing human relationships to animal mating rituals are the only things separating this movie from other mainstream romantic films. I’m not sure I like them. Hugh Jackman must really love his wife, judging by the fake kiss at the end. He does run around being super-hot for a good portion of this film, though, so we’ll forgive him.

— Ladies who lust Hugh Jackman, this movie is uh-huh for you. He gets a star all by himself (otherwise it is pretty much one star watchable romantic comedy fodder).

Wikipedia Entry: Someone Like You

WATCH IT NOW: Someone Like You

I haven’t read Animal Husbandry, although I did check out a sample. The references of men to animals is funnier in print (I guess it didn’t translate well to film) but the first-person narrative feels too ‘I’ heavy and makes the main character seem utterly narcissistic (perhaps this was intentional).

This movie was previously titled previously titled both “The Dream of the Romans” and “Arlen Faber”.

IMDB: The Answer Man

Basic Plot: Self-help writer and closet misanthrope falls for neurotic single mother/chiropractor in this indie romance.

Outburst: The characters are wonderful, but something unidentifiable makes this feel flat. There doesn’t seem to be enough romantic tension for a romance movie, enough ridiculousness for a comedy, or enough cynical wit for a ‘dramady’.

— It’s a nice movie; I wish I could say it was better than okay. May be slightly offensive to those who are deeply religious.

Official Site: The Answer Man

WATCH IT NOW: The Answer Man