Quick and Dirty Movie Reviews
January 13th, 2012 — Adventure, Family, Fantasy, Science Fiction
Basic Plot: A boy runs off on a time-traveling adventure with a group of bandit dwarves.
Outburst: Not as good as the Monty Python movies, possibly due to its ambiguous target audience. It’s billed as a family movie, but many parents would find it not entirely appropriate. On the other hand, it is much more enjoyable for adults to watch than your average family garbage.
/CULT — Introduce your older kids to the joys of Python-esque humor with this fantasy film by Terry Gilliam.
September 8th, 2011 — Drama, Science Fiction
Basic Plot: A delusional man wakes up in a mental hospital under the belief that he’s been cryogenically frozen and it is now the future.
Outburst: It’s a run-of-the-mill Denis Leary performance, which means he’s fucking brilliant as a dark, witty, cynical crazy person. The entire movie, probably through budget constraints, is a minimalist series of therapy sessions with delusions and flashbacks that attempt to put movement into a dragging script. The hospital is depressingly close to real; the blues music riffs stave off film entropy. And just when you think he’s got a handle on crazy, shit starts to get truly weird.
— Denis Leary fans will really enjoy this film. It’s him exponentiated — darker, deeply cynical, and painfully stark. It’ll leave the rest of the world feeling apathetic.
August 31st, 2011 — Action, Drama, Science Fiction
Basic Plot: In a future where feeling emotion is illegal, an enforcer who goes off his medication rises to overthrow the system.
Outburst: This is a gem of a film, full of original action sequences and a winning combination of gun and sword fighting. There are many illogical points, but you won’t notice because you’ll be so engrossed in the story. Afterwards, you’ll be left saying, “wait, that part didn’t make any sense” along with “I wanna learn gun-fu!”
/CULT – Classic theater fodder. Despite inconsistencies, it absolutely will keep you entertained.
BUY IT NOW! Equilibrium [Blu-ray]
BUY IT NOW! Equilibrium (DVD)
August 30th, 2011 — Action, Adventure, Science Fiction
This review covers the shorter theatrical version of this film. There is a rare “extended version” which contains a backstory explanation at the beginning.
Basic Plot: A ranger rescues a damsel in distress and then avenges her dead father in this made for 3-D science fiction western.
Outburst: While I generally scoff at the notion of acting ability or special effects budgets in my B-movies, just a touch might have been welcome in this thinly veiled attempt to wow the audience with cheesy 3-D effects. I felt like I was on a crappy theme-park ride. The extended version would be useful; the edited-out backstory was probably important. The title is nonsensical, there is not a storm of metal (they use lasers and fight over crystals) and the bad guy gets away at the end.
But don’t take my word for it! A very funny, play-by-play review (for those who don’t care about spoilers) of this film is on Cold Storage Fusion
— The only good thing about watching this movie is one’s ability to make fun of it. It’s not even good enough for cult status, as this was supposed to be the first part of a trilogy that couldn’t rummage enough weirdos, b-movie fans, and nerds to warrant even a sequel. But it is entertainingly awful, at least.
July 24th, 2011 — Action, Mystery, Science Fiction
Basic Plot: Set in a world where humans remain isolated while interacting through androids, an FBI agent is forced to personally leave his home to investigate a series of murders. Based on a graphic novel series by Robert Venditti.
Outburst: While at some point the base premise could be technologically possible, it remains sociologically improbable. The script is formulaic and illogical; I solved the murder halfway through and I’m usually a sucker for even the lamest plot-twist. Why would having surrogates lower crime? Why did it take so long to solve this mystery when your ‘aha-moment’ involved a standard keyword search and some old newspaper articles? The special murder weapon is the worst bit of stupidity — it looks like an EMP-like device but according to the script it uploads a virus using a flash of light (effects stolen from Terminator). I’d say the acting was good, but mostly people had to be wooden and stilted on camera, so it would be more of a surprise if the acting were poor.
— Tortured Bruce Willis has now officially been overdone. Watch it for the slick visuals, sexy people, and a few good but mindless action sequences, then migrate to something better.
July 22nd, 2011 — Horror, Science Fiction
Basic Plot: Two crewman on a human colonization spaceship wake up with amnesia.
Outburst: Looks like all the money went toward creepy sets instead of better special effects, but the filmmakers weren’t smart enough to downplay the monsters. Relying on bad lighting and jerky camera motion during fights just ensures a headache. Lots of small improbables, such as tons of advanced technology all around, but no one has a translator device. With such a beautiful premise, this could have been a much better film.
— It’s creepy enough for a good case of heebie-jeebies (especially should you decide to watch it alone at night), but I wouldn’t expect any fan club cult followings.
July 16th, 2011 — Drama, Mystery, Science Fiction
Basic Plot: An amnesiac war vet, mistakenly sent to an institute for the criminally insane, is subject to cruel experimentation. The idea is loosely based on a Jack London story, which is based on the tale of Ed Morrel.
Outburst: From the intro’s juxtaposition of chaotic war footage and classical soundtrack, I knew I was in for a dark, surreal ride. This is the unintentional doppelganger of the movie Jacob’s Ladder, with a science-fiction, mystery slant instead of demonic horror.
— Charlie Kaufman fans, and folks who have always wanted to see Jacob’s Ladder but who don’t see merit in pissing themselves with fear, will appreciate this film.
Wikipedia Entry: The Jacket (film)
Wikipedia Entry: Ed Morrell
July 9th, 2011 — Action, Crime Caper, Science Fiction
Basic Plot: In a world where thieves can steal ideas using dreams, can they also plant new ideas in your head and make you believe they are yours?
Outburst: Complex and bizarre, with stunning visual effects and lots of action. There are overtones of the Matrix, various philosophers, and a good bit of Hollywood charm. My biggest problem with the movie was the idea of a ‘kick’ — that one would automatically wake when experiencing falling (more specifically the sensation known as a hypnic jerk). I’ve experienced dreams in which I’ve fallen to the bottom and neither awakened nor died as urban legend would have you believe. Otherwise, this is a beautiful and original concept film, destined to be a science fiction groundbreaker.
/DVD/CULT — This is a complex, cerebral movie concept brought to life. It’s easy enough to follow the first time if you are paying attention, but it would probably benefit from a second or third viewing. I smell the makings of a cult classic provided they don’t screw it up by adding cheesy sequels.
Official Site: Inception
Wikipedia Entry: Inception
BUY IT NOW! Inception (2-Disc Ed.) [Blu-ray]
BUY IT NOW! Inception (DVD)
May 25th, 2011 — Drama, Romantic, Science Fiction
IMDB: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Basic Plot: After discovering his ex-girlfriend has undergone a procedure to have him erased from memory, the socially awkward Joel Barish decides to do likewise.
Outburst: This is the strangest, and possibly one of the most original, romance movies I have seen. It’s nice to see actors display awesome portrayals of roles we do not associate with them.
/CULT — It’s a great cerebral date movie, or a movie to watch together with your significant other. Good for those of us in imperfect relationships; the characters are so dysfunctional it won’t leave you feeling unfulfilled.
Wikipedia Entry: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
BUY IT NOW! Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (Widescreen Ed.)
May 5th, 2011 — Action, Adventure, Fantasy, Science Fiction
IMDB: X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Basic Plot: Based loosely on the X-Men comic books and movies, this is the origin of the character Wolverine.
Outburst: What’s up with the bad special effects; is it a lighting problem? Some of the scenes are obviously fake, and some are obviously shot in a Hollywood studio with painted backdrops. And bits of dialogue are, um, weak. Numerous plot inconsistencies between this and other X-Men movies and the fact that some of the characters seem to waffle in their actions for no reason make this the weakest of the X-Men series so far.
— Taken as an alternate universe Wolverine story, it’s okay for a mainstream movie. Unfortunately, those who love Wolverine (aka the target audience) will be disappointed in the fact that this doesn’t match the storyline of any of the comic books or the preceding X-Men movies.
Wikipedia Entry: Wolverine (movie)
WATCH IT NOW! X-Men Origins: Wolverine
