Basic Plot: A cat burglar, who times his capers by singing showtunes, is blackmailed into stealing da Vinci works of art for a world domination plot.

Outburst: Often portrayed as one of the worst movies ever made, it is more correctly one of the most victimized by bad marketing. It’s a campy slapstick crime caper movie, erroneously billed as something close to Die Hard. Better to think of this as part of the Tim Burton/Joel Schumacher Batman genre — if Batman were a lovable villain and the supporting actors displayed even less talent than Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl. Don’t forget the cartoon sound effects and snazzy showtunes, which infuse this comedy with some truly over-the-top ridiculousness.

/CULT — If witty one-liners, zany action, and slapstick humor tickles your funny bone, join the cult. Best served with cappuccino.

Wikipedia Entry: Hudson Hawk
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IMDB: Someone Like You

Basic Plot: Based on the book Animal Husbandry by Laura Zigman, a talkshow talent scout accuses all men of being cheaters after being jilted by her boyfriend.

Outburst: Quirky interludes comparing human relationships to animal mating rituals are the only things separating this movie from other mainstream romantic films. I’m not sure I like them. Hugh Jackman must really love his wife, judging by the fake kiss at the end. He does run around being super-hot for a good portion of this film, though, so we’ll forgive him.

— Ladies who lust Hugh Jackman, this movie is uh-huh for you. He gets a star all by himself (otherwise it is pretty much one star watchable romantic comedy fodder).

Wikipedia Entry: Someone Like You

WATCH IT NOW: Someone Like You

I haven’t read Animal Husbandry, although I did check out a sample. The references of men to animals is funnier in print (I guess it didn’t translate well to film) but the first-person narrative feels too ‘I’ heavy and makes the main character seem utterly narcissistic (perhaps this was intentional).

IMDB: The Answer Man

Basic Plot: Self-help writer and closet misanthrope falls for neurotic single mother/chiropractor in this indie romance.

Outburst: The characters are wonderful, but something unidentifiable makes this feel flat. There doesn’t seem to be enough romantic tension for a romance movie, enough ridiculousness for a comedy, or enough cynical wit for a ‘dramady’.

— It’s a nice movie; I wish I could say it was better than okay. May be slightly offensive to those who are deeply religious.

Official Site: The Answer Man

WATCH IT NOW: The Answer Man

Basic Plot: Family drama about a young genius, trapped between the wants of his mother and the rich director for a school of gifted children who wants to cultivate him as her next project.

Outburst: While she did a credible job as director (rather impressive for a debut), I don’t think Jodie Foster was the correct choice for the role of mom. True to real life, child psychologists should never raise children. And something is seriously missing in the character development during the falling action phase of this movie — as if some crucial scene had been cut out just after the climax of the film.

— It’s short and totally watchable, but nothing that is going to blow you away. A nice family discussion movie, both for families and sociology classes.

BUY IT NOW! Little Man Tate (DVD)

Basic Plot: Single mom who does NOT have her life together starts a crime-scene cleanup business to pay for private school after her son is expelled.

Outburst: They had to use a quirky gimmick to get folks to watch an otherwise uninspiring movie. It’s basically a formulaic chick-flick, with the handsome new man role replaced by a disabled guy who reminds me of a pedophile — but hey, he’s good with kids.

— There aren’t many movies that even mention this industry, so if you want to know more about the field of CTS Decon, you’re going to have to sit through this. When all is said and done, at least the acting is good and the girls are cute.

Official Site: Sunshine Cleaning
WATCH IT NOW: Sunshine Cleaning

Basic Plot: Based on the comic of the same name, about an average teen who decides to become a superhero.

Outburst: Cult. Comic. Classic. Just do it. Didn’t think girls could be savage like that? You must not have sisters.

/CULT — Finally, a violent action film for boys & girls. Makes you wanna love comics and murder.

Official Site: Kick-Ass
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Basic Plot: When the ideal marriage to his high school sweetheart goes south, high school graduate Conner Layne takes a trip to South America to find himself.

Outburst: The first fifteen minutes of the movie are novel and funny. Then it devolves into a made-for-Travel-Channel crapstravaganza. Whoever wrote the sickly jungle peptalk and saccharin monologues needs to be hit with a fer-de-lance. A series of amazing settings saves the film, along with a sense of whimsy.

— If you’re looking for romance, the love-interest here is weak. It’s a pretty good time killer, though, especially if you are revving up for a big camping trip.

Wikipedia Entry: Darién Gap
Wikipedia Entry: Machu Picchu
BUY IT NOW! The Art of Travel (DVD)

Basic Plot: Learn the ins and outs of survival during a zombie outbreak through this campy action comedy.

Outburst: Celebrity actors and director gimmicks can’t hide the intrinsic plot faults. Sure, it’s fun to see names you know get snuffed, but dressing up as a zombie to scare your friends during an actual zompocalypse is a sure way to auto-Darwinate. And anyone who repetitively gets suckered by the same girls twice probably didn’t live long to begin with.

— Goofy mainstream comedy zombie-enthusiasts will disagree when I say there are better movies out there. It’s kinda funny the first time, otherwise pop in Shaun of the Dead.

Official Site: Zombieland
WATCH IT NOW! Zombieland

Basic Plot: Four guys travel back to the 1980′s in a resort hot tub.

Outburst: Why does every mainstream comedy have to feature gay-bashing as humor? It takes a little more wit to be funny and politically correct, so I expect that of cookie-cutter movies. Despite the homophobia, awful title, and a genuine cheese factor ending, there were some surprisingly original and laughable bits.

— It’s pretty good mainstream potty-humor if you like those sorts of films.

BUY IT NOW! Hot Tub Time Machine (Blu-ray/DVD Combo Pack)

Basic Plot: Drama revolving around the lives of a group of close-knit Southern ladies. Based on the play, which is based on a true story.

Outburst: This is such a classic tale it entered into the vernacular and is what every Lifetime Movie aspires to be like. I feel like I’m on vacation with the Deep South portion of my extended family.

/DVD — If you like chick-flick dramas but don’t want to use up an entire box of tissues, this movie is lighthearted enough for everyday watching. Great for ladies who love the Southern belle ideal.

Wikipedia Entry: Steel Magnolias (movie)
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