Basic Plot: A young martial artist goes on a quest for the Book of Enlightenment.

Outburst: This 70′s camp makes you wonder if they decided to make a movie because they got a deal on mismatched and one-off costumes. When Bruce Lee wrote the story, it probably had noble Buddhist meaning, but my guess is after the rewrite it became a shabby connecting cord between fight scenes. The movie is nonsensical even by it’s own logic.

— Wisdom seekers would be better off viewing Peaceful Warrior. But this is a great “Carradine camp” classic; watch Carradine play a mystical martial artist and laugh at ridiculous fight scenes.

Wikipedia Entry: Circle of Iron

Housework can make you a total badass.

No matter what you do for her, the girl is still leaving you before the next sequel.

Why spend money for college when you can open a bonsai store?

Some girl will still think you cute enough to kiss even when dressed like a shower.

No man looks cool in tights, not even skeleton tights.

All things can be solved by using karate.

If you can catch a fly with chopsticks, you can achieve the impossible.

Don’t bet against a Buddhist monk.

Crane kick beats rock, scissors, and crazy karate thugs every time.

IMDB: The Next Karate Kid

Basic Plot: Mr. Miyagi is back, teaching karate to a troubled teenage girl.

Outburst: The main character’s belligerence is completely overdone, the thirty-something actors are unconvincing as high school students, and they would have done better to fit this movie’s theme closer to the original’s (more bullying, less teen romance). Just think of all the girl on girl violence that could have been crammed in! The hawk subplot is awkward and contrived (because your average Boston teen can totally mend a broken wing, Boston being such great hawk country). Getting to watch a girl beat up the guy who beat up her boyfriend makes all the film’s previous flaws inconsequential.

— Kids might simply overlook this movie’s flaws for love of Hillary Swank, so this probably makes a good family movie despite everything else.

WATCH IT NOW: The Next Karate Kid

Basic Plot: A martial-artist handyman agrees to teach a bullied boy karate. In the second movie, the two are embroiled in a family dispute after they journey to Okinawa so Master Miyagi can visit his dying father. In the third movie, the rival karate master from the first film attempts to gain revenge with the aid of an old army buddy.

Outburst: The first movie is a family drama classic. The second movie is a worthy sequel. We’re going to pretend the third movie is a nightmare that goes away when you wake up. That shouldn’t be too hard considering the plot makes about as much sense as a fever dream.

/DVD — The first two movies are gems and collectibles, worth watching at film festivals and at home.
0 stars — Ignore the third movie as truly awful with a terrible premise, nonsensical plot, and lackluster testosterone-fueled scripting.

BUY IT NOW! The Karate Kid I & II (Collector’s Ed.) [Blu-ray]
BUY IT NOW! The Karate Kid (Spec. Ed. DVD)

Basic Plot: This is the remake of the 1984 title. I’d forgotten how SAD parts of the first movie were until I watched this, mildly sniffle-eyed, next to my sniffled-eyed cohort. As this version is set in China and revolves around kung-fu, not karate, it was released in that country as Kung-Fu Kid.

Outburst: Okay, so Jackie Chan will never fill the shoes of Pat Morita — thank goodness he isn’t really trying for that. Don’t let the naysayers keep you from the theatre, for this movie is surely worthy of the big screen.

/DVD — A gem of a film. Carve out a space for the DVD on your shelve, next to the original.

Official Site: The Karate Kid

Basic Plot: A fighting monk must find the new protector for a magical scroll.  Based on an obscure comic book.

Outburst:  What starts as a fun, fighting frolic develops into hokey nonsense plagued by the bad acting of supporting characters.  It makes no sense for him to get the girl at the end.  Why do the bad guys have to be Nazis?  Who scripted these girls?  The point of any woman in a kungfu movie is to look hot, kick butt, and take names, not make me cringe when they try to act.

/CULT (1 of 3 stars) – It is obligatory that all Chow Yun-Fat fans watch (and possibly own) this movie, and it’s a good time waster if you are a kungfu movie fan.  For the rest of us, there are much better movies out these days.

Wikipedia: Bulletproof Monk