Quick and Dirty Movie Reviews

IMDB: Radio

Basic Plot: The account of a high school football coach and the developmentally challenged man he took under his wing. Inspired by a 1996 Sports Illustrated article.

Ourburst: Have your daredevil kids skip the opening credits; the movie begins with a ‘don’t try this at home’ moment. This film is formulaic and conventional. You’ll find no innovations in directing, storyline, or editing but they did a pretty good job considering they created a movie out of everyday life. The end result is that the quality of this film hinges solely on the acting ability of Cuba Gooding Jr, whose performance is unfortunately inconsistent. The overall impression is of mediocrity, with brief moments of genius-level acting ability.

— Fairly innocuous as a family movie, hinging on topics of prejudice, bullying, and how we treat the mentally disabled (and, to some extent, African-Americans) in our society.

Official Site: Radio
Original Article from Sports Illustrated: Someone to Lean On
Real Life vs. Reel Life: A Comparison of Factual Events to the Movie on ChasingTheFrog.com

WATCH IT NOW: Radio

IMDB: Time Bandits

Basic Plot: A boy runs off on a time-traveling adventure with a group of bandit dwarves.

Outburst: Not as good as the Monty Python movies, possibly due to its ambiguous target audience. It’s billed as a family movie, but many parents would find it not entirely appropriate. On the other hand, it is much more enjoyable for adults to watch than your average family garbage.

/CULT — Introduce your older kids to the joys of Python-esque humor with this fantasy film by Terry Gilliam.

Wikipedia Entry: Time Bandits
WikiQuotes: Time Bandits

WATCH IT NOW: Time Bandits

IMDB: Note by Note

Basic Plot: Documentary that covers the creation of a single Steinway concert grand piano.

Outburst: I love pianos and find classical music enjoyable on occasion, but this documentary is a yawn-fest. The lack of expository voiceover scripting is seriously detrimental; no one wants to hear a plethora of heavily accented New Yorkers talk about their jobs. The cut scenes of Long Island in winter demonstrate the passage of time through snow-covered visual misery. All the footage is available for a stellar film; unfortunately what they churned out post-edit is crap. Takeaways? It takes a year to make a piano. They are made from wood. Good pianos are crafted and tuned by hand.

(0 stars) — This is probably a mandatory video for new employees of Steinway. Everyone else is better off watching the piano segment from the Discovery Channel show How It’s Made.

Official Site: Note by Note
[YouTube] How It’s Made: Pianos

IMDB: The Turning Point

Basic Plot: The story of two ballet dancers, one who quit the stage to have a family and the other who decided to forgo family for the life of a prima ballerina.

Outburst: It’s a very realistic look at the conflicts between the personal and professional lives of women. The film has held up well over the years and remains relevant to the choices modern women face between career and family. However, as with many older movies, expect it to progress slowly. Though only minimally present, there are some positive role models for young male dancers as well.

— This is a dance drama. You won’t like this movie unless you like both kinds of movies, and it helps to like ballet as well. So while I think it is a wonderful film, it also has a small target audience.

Wikipedia Entry: The Turning Point

BUY IT NOW! The Turning Point (DVD)

The translation of the original title is “Ponyo on the Cliff” and its original English movie title was “Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea”. I watched the version dubbed in English.

IMDB: Ponyo

Basic Plot: Inspired by the story of The Little Mermaid, this is a Japanese cartoon about a boy and a princess goldfish who longs to become human.

Outburst: Does anyone else care that goldfish are a type of freshwater fish? Seems a weird thing to quibble about if you can overlook talking fish with human faces and magic kingdoms under the sea. After extensive internet trolling, I decided Ponyo is a type of Shōjō, or Japanese red sea-sprite. Seems like Disney performed another epic fail when they did the translation, Ponyo really should have been referred to as a red-fish to avoid all that confusion. Despite the almost magical animation–like a picture book brought to life–this movie failed to captivate me. The dad is practically nonexistent in family life and the mom is ditzy. The theme song at the end is both really bad and really catchy, like obnoxious jingle catchy. Not the best film to come out of Studio Ghibli.

— This is a very simplistic kid’s tale, suitable for families with children of all ages, provided pagan folktales don’t bother you. Parents, it is always good practice to talk with your kids about the movies you watch together. Also good for those who like alternative mythology.

Official Site (Disney): Ponyo
Wikipedia Entry: Ponyo
How Ponyo didn’t get lost in translation

Did your kids suddenly decide they wanted to own a fish? Try them on a virtual aquarium first, such as Fish Tycoon.

Originally aired as part of an untitled series on ITV, loosely based around the British educational system. Also known as Tales Out of School: Made in Britain.

IMDB: Made in Britain

Basic Plot: Juvenile delinquent and skinhead is sent to an assessment center where his social worker attempts to reform him.

Outburst: This is a fairly honest portrayal of how young violent skinheads think about their world. I was torn between admiration for the main characters courage in standing up to The Establishment, disgust at his racism, and pity for his delusional ideas about society. It is pretty scary if you think about this, and doesn’t pull any punches.

— Tim Roth is amazing, the music is punk, and this is a very grim version of the after-school special. There are a lot of social commentary takeaways, if you are of that mindset.

Wikipedia Entry: Made in Britain

BUY IT NOW! Made in Britain (DVD)

IMDB: People of the Wind

Basic Plot: Documentary about the amazing annual migration of the Bakhtiari, when half a million people and a million animals struggle to scale the Zagros Mountains.

Outburst: The commentary is the best part as the chieftain’s stories are engaging and slightly cynical. The gorgeous cinematography of the era pales beside any modern film; you will not be visually impressed. This is a way of life that has almost entirely faded from Earth and might never come again. In fact, as of 2006, the Bakhtiari migration now takes place by road in trucks. None of this is scripted; there are no actors and no retakes.

— Of ethnological interest. For everyone else, this is a yawn.

Script: People of the Wind

IMDB: Hudson Hawk

Basic Plot: A cat burglar, who times his capers by singing showtunes, is blackmailed into stealing da Vinci works of art for a world domination plot.

Outburst: Often portrayed as one of the worst movies ever made, it is more correctly one of the most victimized by bad marketing. It’s a campy slapstick crime caper movie, erroneously billed as something close to Die Hard. Better to think of this as part of the Tim Burton/Joel Schumacher Batman genre — if Batman were a lovable villain and the supporting actors displayed even less talent than Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl. Don’t forget the cartoon sound effects and snazzy showtunes, which infuse this comedy with some truly over-the-top ridiculousness.

/CULT — If witty one-liners, zany action, and slapstick humor tickles your funny bone, join the cult. Best served with cappuccino.

Wikipedia Entry: Hudson Hawk
BUY IT NOW! Hudson Hawk (Spec. Ed. DVD)

This movie was originally released as Indian Summer in the UK in 1996 at the London Film Festival. The title was changed and it was re-released as Alive and Kicking.

Basic Plot: A young dancer who is HIV+ finds solace in the arms of an older man.

Outburst: Well if you are looking for a series of great dance numbers you aren’t going to find them here, because these are primarily actors and not ballet dancers. This is movie about connections between people, and it is real and funny and poignant and honest.

— Don’t watch if you are put off by male nudity or gay male sex. A very well done movie about relationships within a dance troupe and between two male lovers.

BUY IT NOW! Alive & Kicking (DVD)

IMDB: Final

Basic Plot: A delusional man wakes up in a mental hospital under the belief that he’s been cryogenically frozen and it is now the future.

Outburst: It’s a run-of-the-mill Denis Leary performance, which means he’s fucking brilliant as a dark, witty, cynical crazy person. The entire movie, probably through budget constraints, is a minimalist series of therapy sessions with delusions and flashbacks that attempt to put movement into a dragging script. The hospital is depressingly close to real; the blues music riffs stave off film entropy. And just when you think he’s got a handle on crazy, shit starts to get truly weird.

— Denis Leary fans will really enjoy this film. It’s him exponentiated — darker, deeply cynical, and painfully stark. It’ll leave the rest of the world feeling apathetic.